Whats the deal with academica and meaningless discussions over words like “what is art? what is theatre? what is history?”. I think thats bullshit. Who cares? I would like to study Theatre, not sit there lecture after lecture discussing what it is we’re studying. To me it feels like academic jerk-off. We all obviously have a concept of what theatre is, or else we wouldn’t even be there so why the neverending discussion. And one time would’ve been cool you know. And then move on, but its just one big everlasting discussion and everyones in on it. The students are all sitting there with their know-it-all-nods like they allready took the course and are just taking it again to gloat. Nobody has soul you know. Nobody disagrees. And whats really sad is that I don’t either because I’m so fucking afraid of being wrong. And not even wrong but just stupid in my wrongness. I guess wrongness is fine if its smart enough or in the university robot-lingo.

And all my poems are in a dead computer. And it makes me sad that I care so much though I know that I hate half of them, just keep them in case somebody else will think they’re good, in which case I won’t belive them. Not really.
I’m going to apply to this school that has a writing cours. I just want to write.